Ever feel crazy when trying to talk with your kids? You may not be crazy. It may be your child is infected. Read on to understand what the infection is and how to stop it.

Communication. What is it? Telling your story? Getting something off your chest? Expressing yourself? All of this may be important but is it what you REALLY want to accomplish when trying to communicate? What good is it to get something off your chest just to transfer it to someone else’s? What benefit is there in telling your story if the one to whom you’re speaking doesn’t understand you?
Here’s the problem. You may be earnestly expressing your sincerest feelings but the one listening may not understand your language. Imagine this- you’re in a restaurant when in runs a man who appears to be Chinese. He begins yelling, at you, something in a language that sounds Chinese. He is passionate, maybe even angry. You listen intently as he grabs your shoulder and begins pulling you out of your seat. Then, your anger begins rising as he invades that small space that generally acts as a force field keeping strangers at bay. As he tugs, you push. Tug. Push. Tug. Push. Until you see the gunman walking through the door. Uh oh. He wasn’t trying to start a fight. He was looking for help and warning you of impending danger.

How many times has this scenario occurred with your children? You think they are angry but it turns out they were only warning you. Maybe they had something to tell you regarding their previously reckless behavior but, rather than hearing them, you started the familiar tug, push, tug, push. You don’t like their tone so you push. They continue to tug, their heart crying desperately,”Mom, listen to me! I want to tell you something important!” You continue pushing, yelling,”Don’t talk to me that way! I’m your mother!” They persist as they grab your emotional shoulder,”Listen to me! I need to tell you something!” Then, they run out of the room.

Effective communication begins when you speak the same language.

So, what language does your teenager speak? English? Of course not. They speak a language unknown to adults. It is the language of Teen Age. Teen Age is like a virus that invades a host and lives in it but doesn’t kill it so the virus can survive. Teen Age invaded our lives too. It survived us and was passed on to the next generation slightly mutated. It constantly mutates so a vaccine cannot be formulated to inoculate the next generation. If Teen Age is constantly mutating, including the language it speaks, how can we ever hope to understand it? I thought you’d never ask . . .

The same way a scientist studies a virus in hopes of developing a vaccine. They watch its behavior. They spend time with it. They read about it. They talk about it. Some probably talk to it. They go to seminars to hear what other scientists have learned about it.

What don’t they do? Yell at it (maybe occasionally at the end of a long day). Ignore it. Stay away from it. Laugh at it. Get impatient with it. Do they love the virus? No. They love the host, though. Do you love Teen Age? No. You sure love your teenager. Yelling at Teen Age won’t help your teenager. Being impatient with Teen Age won’t help your teenager. Staying away from Teen Age won’t help your teenager. Loving, spending quantity time with and listening to your teenager when they speak will help you understand Teen Age. Watch their body language, eye movements, hand gestures and voice inflection. Put down your phone and listen, not to their words, but to their heart. Learning their language is going to take time, focus and concentration- not occasional glances between page loads on Facebook.

Learning the language of Teen Age may be every bit as hard as learning Chinese. In fact, it may be more difficult since Teen Age is a dynamic language and your kids are only teenagers for a few short years. But, learning their language will make communication possible. Learning Teen Age will result in you understanding your child and your child finally understanding you. And a previously loving, healthy relationship may be restored.

Don’t blame your teenager for their Teen Age infection. Love the host. Battle the Infection.

Today, I was moved by something I saw. While at a soccer game with my daughter, I noticed a Mom with her newborn baby resting peacefully, nestled comfortably above her slightly bulging belly. Mommy and baby appeared so serene and satisfied as they shared this special moment together. Then, my mind was interrupted by the thought of checkout counter tabloids and “health” magazines proffering their advice for sculpting a “post baby body”. Though I have not read any of these articles, one can imagine what advice is given when captions appear such as “Get That Toned Body Back” and “Having a Baby Doesn’t Mean Losing Your Great Body” coupled with photos of models in their skin tight workout outfits exposing enough of their midriff to show their rock hard, digitally enhanced abs. What they likely don’t tell you is:

  1. The model’s abs were digitally enhanced.
  2. They searched the planet for the handful of top models who even have a body like that.
  3. That body need not be your goal anyway.
  4. A lean, hard body is not nearly as comfortable for a baby to lay on as a slightly squishy Mommy midsection.
  5. Focusing on your health is important but your shape is NOT!

We all know that 3-5 above are not popular in American culture.  Everywhere we turn we see images of perfect bodies (though the definition of “perfect body” varies from culture to culture and generation to generation), commercials for nutritional supplements, fad diet advertisements, and billboards with women so scantily clad that even Southbeach would blush. These images have made the Mommy body an anathema and diminished cultural acceptance of the natural postpartum body. Though cultural norms are important for matters of decorum, daily routine or even public behavior, cultural validation alone should not be the basis for determining the legitimacy of an idea. In this case, the idea is that a Mommy body is okay.

In fact, a Mommy body is beautiful.  It shows the hard work, self sacrifice, determination and love invested for 9 months into the life of your baby.  Who says you need kickboxing to get “back into shape”? You have a great shape because you got kicked in the tummy for 3 months! Who says you need yoga and stretching to get “back into shape”? Your new shape resulted from 9 lbs. of joy who stretched your tummy for 9 months! Mommy, don’t allow culture to convince you that you need to spend the next 3 months undoing what the last 9 months has created. Your shape is beautiful and memorializes the many months you carried and cared for your child! Celebrate your Mommy body!

Ok, parents. I’m going to give it to you straight. Hollywood is killing your kids- mentally, physically, socially, psychologically and spiritually. (Although hyperbole is an effective literary device, it is not employed here). Now, before you dismiss this idea as close-minded, so 30 years ago, or overly zealous, please read on (after all, at least potentially, your kids’ lives are at stake).

Hollywood may have ulterior motives but their primary motivation is to make a profit by advertising products and services. (Some premium channels make their money by selling subscriptions.) To compel an individual to become part of the audience, they have to purvey what the market will buy. In other words, they show it because we will watch it. And watch it we do!  According to Nielsen, each month, adults spend an average of 34 hours surfing the internet on their phones and 27 hours on their computer.  We spend almost 134 hours watching live television, over 5 hours watching dvds and 7 hours using game consoles.  Forget everything else for a minute . . . 134 hours per month watching television? That is almost 5 hours a day.  Now, let’s add the 2 hours a day surfing the internet and Americans spend 7 hours a day on their visual digital media!

So, what are we watching?  Movies, Youtube videos, tv shows, news, the reason for your arm’s itch, the length of the Damalgous Jeloperty- mostly useless information and entertainment (according to estimates, 30% of all internet bandwidth is for porn. Some put this figure MUCH higher.).  A peek at even reputable news websites reveals headlines like “Actress, _____, Engaged to Her New Flame” and “_____ (unmarried actress) Goes Out on Red Carpet With New Baby Bump!”  Even these types of headlines normalize things most Americans do not believe are ok. Our shows are rife with unmarried sex, lies, disrespect, hatred, envy, pride, vanity, lust, murder, drug use and these are just in the Saturday morning cartoons!  Okay, so maybe the kids’ cartoons are not filled with murder but the disrespect, lies, pride, vanity and envy is ubiquitous.

What enters your heart, through your eyes and ears, will determine who you become. Want to be honest, spend time with honest people and center your conversations on Truth. Want to be loving? Watch loving relationships. Concerned about charity? Selfish characters have no place on your screen. The Bible admonishes us in Philippians 4:8-“Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.” Now, that’s good advice! Want to change your child’s life? Fill his/her life with good things! Allow ONLY good messages.  And I don’t mean twist and contort, in your own mind, your favorite tv show’s content to make it  appear remotely, almost decent.  I mean GOOD things.  Honesty, integrity, love, peace and truth are GOOD things. Purity, commitment, dedication, fidelity and humility are GOOD things.

If only Hollywood understood GOOD.